du woah!

Rainbow Squirrel Sighting

It appears this squirrel was foraging for food and came across a sheet of blotter paper. Kudos to our friend Owen Parsons for the artwork.

Night Two

My King he is so hungry.
My King he is so great.
I got to see My King today
Swimming in the lake.

Get excited, since this one was pretty short you get two.

Tortillaz! Tortillaz!
Everywhere I go.
Maybe I shouldn't
Have moved to Mexico!

Classy Poetry for Classy People

Barack Obama called me and told me that I would be deported to Zimbabwe unless I made this week Rainbow Squirrels Piss-Poor Poetry Week. I'm not even sure if Zimbabwe is still a country, but who am I to argue with the President of the United States? So, here goes 7 nights of poetry.

Moo moo milk cow
Looking at me.
If he was a little bird,
He would live up in a tree.
I would still need milk from him
And hear me, I won't studder;
It is quite a strange happening
To see a bird with an udder.

Thank you, and enjoy your evening.

Really Interesting Facts About a Very Vicious Leopard and Other Neat Animals

- A leopard can carry three times its body weight up a tree! THAT IS CRAZY!

- Montana mountain goats will butt heads so hard their hooves fall off. I bet that hurts!

- The last animal in the dictionary is the Zyzzyva, a tropical weevil. I bet you he got made fun of a lot in elementary school.

- Honeybees have hair on their eyes. That would be really irritating if you had contacts.

- There's a "meow" in the middle of "homeowner." Meow are you doing today? Meow now brown cow. Here comes more animal facts right meow.

- Surveys show that 62 percent of dog owners admit that their dog owns a sweater, wintercoat or raincoat. Fags.

- Cats prefer to eat their food at 86º F, which is why they don't immediately gulp down the half-eaten can of food from the refrigerator. This is one reason why people intentionally try to run over cats with their cars.

- At least 63% of dog owners admitted to kissing their dogs. Of these, some 45% kissed them on the nose, 19% on the neck, 7% on the back, 5% on the stomach and 2% on the legs. An additional 29% listed the place they kiss their dog as other(where else are they kissing their dog?). I'm getting a dog tomorrow. I bet you all the money in my wallet i will not kiss it anywhere.

- The study of ants is called Myrmecology, but really, who gives a shit?

- A hippo can run faster than man, except for that Jamaican guy.

- A Panda's diet is 99% bamboo. If I were to go out to dinner with one I would not let him pick the restaurant.

- The leech has 32 brains. That sucks.

- At the end of the Beatles' song 'A Day in the Life,' an ultrasonic whistle, only audible to dogs, was recorded by Paul McCartney for his Shetland sheepdog, who didn't even buy the album.

- The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off. That is not ok with me. That is some Susan B. Anthony feminist bullshit.

- Studies show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building it has about thirty percent less chance of surviving than a cat that falls off the twentieth floor. It supposedly takes about eight floors for the cat to realize what is occuring, relax and correct itself. At about that height it hits maximum speed and when it hits the ground it's rib cage absorbs most of the impact. I bet that was a fun study to do.

- Butterflies taste with their hind feet. Perhaps this is why they do not wear shoes.

- Pandas in China have been given Viagra to help them mate. This explains China's growing overpopulation problem.

- Bats always turn left when leaving a cave. I bet they would be really good NASCAR drivers.

- Over 10,000 birds a year die from smashing into windows. Goddamn Windex.

Bongz

Saw one of these today in expressions


I CAN HAS PLEEZ!

Nickelback is rad.

As I lie here in my bed late at night I have a question that I ask myself yet can find no reasonable answer for. That question is “how the fuck did Nickleback get famous”? I find it hard to believe that they toured around Canada in one of those vans that small time bands use going to venues across Canada while miraculously amassing fans from across the nation(except from Quebec because people from Quebec don’t like anything that isn’t French, gay, or a mime) working their way up the music scene. Imagine if you were in Toronto one night and you decided to go to a bar to see a random band that you’ve never heard of and fucking Chad Kroger and the rest of the Nickleback douchebags come out. They might seem cool at first but only because they’re underground and mainly because you’ve never heard their music. Then they start playing some shitty song that sounds exactly like Photograph or that song about being a ‘rockstar’ or any other nickelback song cause they all sound the same and if you say otherwise you should be put in a space shuttle and launched directly into the sun. If you didn’t leave within the first five minutes of their set or jammed shot glasses into your ears until they started to bleed then you would probably be standing there thinking, “damn, I just wasted ten Canadian dollars(which was equal to about ten monopoly dollars at the time I believe) to hear this god awful band play the same god awful song for the past 45 minutes”(that’s 50 minutes too long if you ask me). If a talent scout saw them at one of their early shows and liked them and wanted to sign them to a record label then he should be put in a space shuttle and launched directly into the sun, after his crucifixion of course. I expect our neighbors to the north to have better music taste than this, I mean c’mon guys, we’ll let Celine Dion slide but Nickleback? WHAT THE FUCK CANADA!? If nickleback was a movie they’d be Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull except worse.